For us, the point of minimalism is not to deny ourselves what we need, but to be free of encumbrances. Relationships are not meant to be restrictive, but abundant! We should be able to let go of ANYTHING… not only objects but also relationships that no longer support us. The fear of releasing our support systems (people) is far greater than the challenge of letting go of objects, and therefore is the most important to test, and rewarding to understand.
Yes, we can successfully have more than one love at a time. My partner and I have proved that to ourselves. We have shared intimacy with others, both together, and separately. It has certainly challenged our relationship. It has certainly enriched our lives.
When we first read about polyamory and visited a swingers club, nine years ago, it caused days of excitement before and afterwards. Part of that excitement and anticipation was expressed with lots of hot sex!
It also improved our communication because it caused us to question and reexamine our boundaries, our goals, and the way we viewed our lives. We shared the story of our experiences with our friends and family. Their responses were very interesting, and overall curious and positive. It also made us more aware of our perceptions of ourselves. Polyamory will expose any weaknesses, like jealousy, caused by self-doubt, and any problems with self-worth.
I discovered that my identity had gradually become “us” and “we” over all of these years in a relationship. It became a test to stand alone as “I” and “me”. After so much practice deflecting advances and consciously avoiding being flirtatious, it was a bit daunting to re-enter that realm.
Doing this is not for everyone. If you are happy in your monogamy, we are happy for you. However, for us, we know that taking great risks can bring great rewards. We don’t thrive unless we are challenging ourselves. We cannot achieve that amazing feeling of impressing ourselves unless we’ve pushed the boundaries and discovered what lies beyond. Plus it felt right – like being part of the evolution of humanity. Sharing love and feeling abundant, rather than feeling fearful and stingy.
How powerful is your trust in yourself? in your partner? Do you think one amazing fuck with someone else would be the end of your relationship? Seriously though, if your relationship is that shaky, maybe you should try it, just to get it over with.
Loving someone else doesn’t lessen the amount of love you have to give, but your attention may be divided, especially in the beginning. This is the ‘honeymoon’ phase, when your interest in the other person is most strong, before their ‘quirks’ can become annoyances. As long as we are both being honest with each other and ourselves, and keeping the lines of communication open, all is well.
The first time we tried this, we lived in a very remote location, which added the ironic challenge of providing less privacy, as well as creating tension amongst our friends. When we tried again after several years, it evolved into a more fun, shared, giving adventure, rather than a stress-filled, potentially catastrophic event.
I am not with you because of a vow, a legal form, a wedding ring, or children, or fear of losing my possessions.
Seeing you with others helps me remember how interesting and exciting you are.
Experiencing things with others myself helps me remember how intense and exciting I am.
How confident do you feel about yourself? Do you feel secure enough in your relationships to let them go?
